Chad
When I was growing up, I used to love watching "Where in the World is Carmen Sandiego." Once a day, PBS would take a break from its astronomy-and-pledge-drive programming and throw a bone to the nerdy kids of America. The show combined a cappella singing and geography trivia - from 5 to 5:30 every weekday, I couldn't be happier.
I would bound in from baseball practice just in time to see the second half of the show, which ended with the Bonus Round. If the kid who had the most points after the first two rounds qualified for the Bonus Round, he got the chance to catch Carmen Sandiego by identifying 8 locations on a giant map in 45 seconds.
The map was always one of five continents - Africa, Asia, Europe, and North and South America - and it was on the floor of the studio. The Chief would call out a country or capital, and then the competing kid would have to grab a large traffic-cone-like marker and place it in the right spot on the map.
South America was always the easiest. PBS was smart enough to zoom in on the contestant's face as the continent was announced, so the viewers were treated to their reactions. The only thing more satisfying than seeing the wave of relief wash over a kid who got South America was seeing the fear in the eyes of the fat kid who got Asia. The Asia map was gigantic - like half the size of a football field. You may know your geography, but you gotta RUN now, motherfucker.
There was no excuse for losing if you got South America. None. South America has like 10 countries, and the capital of Brazil has the country in its name. If someone was struggling with South America, I'd make sure he knew it by yelling at the TV. "THAT'S GUYANA YOU RETARD! SURINAME IS THE ONE IN THE MIDDLE!"
At this point my mom would tell me to tone it down and complain that my sweaty "SMVLL Marlins" shirt was staining the couch, something that I always ignored.
Africa was always the toughest. Asia could have been bad because this was 1993 and most of the Soviet breakaway republics were still only a couple of years old, but the Chief always took it easy and gave the kid India and Japan. She brought the hammer down for Africa, though. Africa was hard because of all the tiny countries along the Atlantic coast and the random landlocked blobs in the middle - the Central African Republic, Niger, Mali, Chad.
Chad was always hard to remember. Until seventh grade, when I met the only Chad I ever knew.
[to be continued]
I would bound in from baseball practice just in time to see the second half of the show, which ended with the Bonus Round. If the kid who had the most points after the first two rounds qualified for the Bonus Round, he got the chance to catch Carmen Sandiego by identifying 8 locations on a giant map in 45 seconds.
The map was always one of five continents - Africa, Asia, Europe, and North and South America - and it was on the floor of the studio. The Chief would call out a country or capital, and then the competing kid would have to grab a large traffic-cone-like marker and place it in the right spot on the map.
South America was always the easiest. PBS was smart enough to zoom in on the contestant's face as the continent was announced, so the viewers were treated to their reactions. The only thing more satisfying than seeing the wave of relief wash over a kid who got South America was seeing the fear in the eyes of the fat kid who got Asia. The Asia map was gigantic - like half the size of a football field. You may know your geography, but you gotta RUN now, motherfucker.
There was no excuse for losing if you got South America. None. South America has like 10 countries, and the capital of Brazil has the country in its name. If someone was struggling with South America, I'd make sure he knew it by yelling at the TV. "THAT'S GUYANA YOU RETARD! SURINAME IS THE ONE IN THE MIDDLE!"
At this point my mom would tell me to tone it down and complain that my sweaty "SMVLL Marlins" shirt was staining the couch, something that I always ignored.
Africa was always the toughest. Asia could have been bad because this was 1993 and most of the Soviet breakaway republics were still only a couple of years old, but the Chief always took it easy and gave the kid India and Japan. She brought the hammer down for Africa, though. Africa was hard because of all the tiny countries along the Atlantic coast and the random landlocked blobs in the middle - the Central African Republic, Niger, Mali, Chad.
Chad was always hard to remember. Until seventh grade, when I met the only Chad I ever knew.
[to be continued]
posted by Dan at 11:50 AM
1 comments
