Responses to Craigslist Personal Ads, Vol. 2

God, I love writing these.

I'm perfect for you! There is a strong POSSIBILITY that I will be moving to Hawaii in a year. : )
I’m not sure what your capitalization of the word “possibility” means. I’ll assume it means you’d like a year’s worth of casual sex before you disappear over the western horizon.

I am a tall, curvy, red head with slanted green eyes. I am lightly tanned with a good body. There.
Thanks for that exhaustive description. I can’t imagine what else I’d want to know about you. In fact, just looking at that text is turning me on right now. Excuse me a minute.

Now that we have that out of the way...I don't send photos. At least not initially.
That’s too bad. I immediately imagined you as super hot on the basis of your twelve-word description of your looks. Also, since there’s no other resource on the Internet where I could find pictures of attractive women, I’d need yours to arouse myself.

Being sensitive to rejection, like everyone, I would not over sell myself.
I’m sensing some conflict between this statement and the immediate assertion that you were “perfect for me!”

I am considered to be attractive to some, beautiful to others.
Please express this assessment in terms of a bell curve. Do you know what an “outlier” is?

However, I have been told that my inner beauty is slammin'.
I’ve been told that my House of Pain mixtape and fade haircut are both slammin’. Holla!

I think you will find me to be both amusing and arousing. I am well read and an excellent conversationlist.
Let’s hope your verbal communication skills surpass your fourth-grade command of sentence structure and subject-verb agreement.

I am a risk taker & have an unusual outlook regarding the world. I am looking for a man between 30 & 45ish...
Adding “ish” to an age bracket on an online personal ad automatically qualifies you as a risk-taker. If you wrote “tallish,” you could virtually guarantee a cavalcade of midgets breaking down your door.

Must be educated or pass as such. : )
My GED scores will make you hot, baby. I’ll sexamatize you with my prodigious profusion of splendiferous verbitude.

I want a liberal, open minded person, please. No small minds, small town, small world outlooks.
It’s true – the only intelligent people in this vast nation of ours live in cities. I have to hand it to you, though, you have to have some serious balls to ask for someone “open-minded” and then in the NEXT SENTENCE put together a trite generalization that alienates half of America.

Dark looking, foreign, exotic men a plus, although please be American/European or "Americanized".
“You can have that skin color, but not the culture that goes with it.” Tall, red-haired, and xenophobic – my kind of woman. What happened to all that “open-minded” stuff?

If you are eloquent, sophisticated without being pretentious ( snobs are boring as hell)well read, sexy and kind, then I think we would have a lot in common.
If I was demanding and not very self-aware, I think we would have a lot in common.

I am looking for a partner in crime. I am dating casually, but I have not yet met someone who is truly intriguing or who makes me think and laugh. I want to live it up, before the world dies down.
Interesting that you expect the world to die down, as opposed to losing interest in you. I’m also getting the distinct impression that your idea of “living it up” involves box wine and Fark parties.

P.S I just added this. I have had a flattering amount of responses ( 150 so far)so thank you.
This is Craigslist. You could have posted an ad claiming to be a one-legged gypsy woman and gotten 100 responses.

The majority have been very respectful and gives me hope!
Lady, if you’re relying on Craigslist as your source of emotional support, you might want to start drafting that suicide note. Remember – the blade goes down the highway, not across the street.