The Definitive MLB-Simpsons Character Analogy Chart: AL Edition

New York Yankees - C. Montgomery Burns - Driven to success by an almost unimaginable wealth of resources, which they use to ruthlessly crush their enemies, although typically not by the most efficient means possible (blocking out the sun, Bernie Williams). Seemingly unaware of the (obvious) reasons why they are hated. They seem to have been a key actor in pretty much everything important that happened before 1970.

Boston Red Sox - Lisa Simpson - Beloved by almost all. Used to being overlooked and trod upon, so that when they finally get a day in the sun, they don't really know what to do with it. Unfortunate tendency to get a little self-righteous. Antagonistic relationship with those in positions of power.

Toronto Blue Jays - Bumblebee Man - Comic relief from the other side of the border. Inexplicably, they tend to get a lot of success out of recycled material (sight gags, Shea Hillenbrand) that wouldn't work anywhere else.

Baltimore Orioles - Maggie Simpson - Never says or does much of anything, but constantly brought up in discussions by virtue of their close associates. Stubbornly hanging onto something disgusting despite other people's well-meaning efforts to take it away (pacifier, Sidney Ponson).

Tampa Bay Devil Rays - Hans Moleman - Whenever they're on TV, you can virtually guarantee that they're hopelessly overmatched and that something bad is going to happen to them. You could start feeling bad for them, but then you remember that you don't care.

Minnesota Twins - Santa's Little Helper - Scrappy and quick; comprised mostly of parts that were rescued from a terrible existence elsewhere. Trapped indoors most of the time. Series of poorly timed medical problems (canine gastroplexy, Torii Hunter's ankle). Abused by an incredibly old, very wealthy man who is the definition of greed and selfishness (Mr. Burns, Carl Pohlad). Nearly abandoned by their families (Bart gave him away; the near-contraction).

Chicago White Sox - Edna Krabappel - Betrayed by those closest to them somewhere in the distant past (Edna's husband leaving her, the Black Sox), leaving them bitter and jaded. Conditioned to be cynical after having been stabbed in the back so many times (the White Flag Trade of '97, the strike season).

Detroit Tigers - Lionel Hutz - They often dumpster-dive for sustenance. Earn their living by attracting the attention of criminals and vagrants (criminals and vagrants, the city of Detroit).

Cleveland Indians - Apu Nahasapeemapetilon - Identity entirely based on a ridiculous stereotype of Indians. Jovial ongoing relationship with a big fat guy who underperforms a lot (Homer, C.C. Sabathia). Soldiering on gamely despite a terrible workplace environment (the Kwik-E-Mart, Cleveland). Used to play a much bigger role in the grand scheme of things, but now they make only occasional appearances, and they're usually getting abused.

Kansas City Royals - Gil the Salesman - Forever facing an uphill battle to be competitive. Their failures tend to be more sad than comical. Others are just glad they're not them.


Los Angeles Angels - Troy McClure - You may remember them from one particular film in the past, although before (and since) then they've had some forgettable performances. An expensive facade covers a dark, vulnerable underbelly (McClure's fish fetish, shaky starting pitching). Loving the spotlight, but may not handle all the attention well. Won't ever be the top dog in Hollywood.

Oakland A's - Bart Simpson - Reliable bad-boy winners who march to the beat of their own drum. Locked in a constant struggle against the overbearing establishment. Every time you think they're going to get what's coming to them, they weasel out of it and surprise you again.

Seattle Mariners - Barney Gumble - Struggling against their personal demons. Just when you thought they were going to clean themselves up and they were looking bulletproof, they suffered an unfortunate relapse.

Texas Rangers - Col. Antoine "Tex" O'Hara (Fat Oil Magnate) - Distinctly Texan. Prone to making ill-advised business decisions that never turn out well (purchasing the World's Fattest Racehorse, trading Sammy Sosa for Harold Baines and Fred Manrique).