So Sayeth the Lord

BE NOT DRUNK WITH WINE, BUT BE FILLED WITH THE SPIRIT (EPHESIANS 5:18)
Supposedly being a true sports fan is supporting your team no matter what happens. But aren't we supposed to turn a critical eye on those we love every once in a while? What has to happen for you to get to that point where you say "Fuck it, these guys are dicks." Sure, every once in a while a player from your favorite team will do something douchey, but you'll write it off and keep on buying tickets. I know this because I'm a Giants fan, and even the most black-and-orange person alive will admit that yes, Barry Bonds is a pompous ass. Still, no matter what Barry does, there will still be enough Will Clarks and Robby Thompsons and Matt Williamses and Yorvit Torrealbas to outweigh him and keep me listening to Kruk and Kuip. But there has to be a line where you start to question your allegiance to the organization as a whole. What if one team actually does stand for evil? What if a rivalry actually IS pitting the good against the bad (or the bad against the worse)? What if it's not just a series of individual screwups, but actually a deeply ingrained tradition of ignorance and lawlessness?

Rooting for a collegiate sports team is pretty easy, especially since you don't have to worry about continuity. When you're, say, an Oakland A's fan, you have to go immediately from loving Jason Giambi to loathing him. Since transfers aren't nearly as common as trades, and you get a new cycle of guys every four years, the understanding that you're rooting for the institution, rather than just the individual players, is deeper. This means it shouldn't bother you as much when one of your guys stabs someone/solicits a hooker/gets caught with enough blow to fuel a 1988 Mets house party. Soon he'll be someone else's problem. Still, a guy known as a head case will always have the lingering tie to his alma mater. Everyone remembers Randy Moss went to Marshall. Try and say that about Jerry Rice (Mississippi Valley State).

So it's still possible for a collegiate football program pick up a bit of a bad reputation. Miami had a nice string back in the early '90s, and Colorado has had its share of problems. But one school stands above the rest like the king of a bare-knuckle prison brawl, ready to subdue and cornhole its vanquished opponents: Florida State.

I'm no Florida fan. I'm impartial when it comes to East Coast schools. Hell, I could care less about the ACC, the SEC, or any of the conferences that dip below the horizon after the Pac-10's nonconference schedule ends. But the sequence of events that has befallen Florida State football players is beyond ludicrous. This is lightning striking the same place seven, eight, nine times. So this week's little incident was, while not altogether surprising, icing on the cake.

Wyatt Sexton. A great athlete's name if there ever was one, so it's not surprising that he owns the starting quarterback job at Florida State. This is probably one of the few dozen most high-profile positions a 20-year-old American kid can be put in. So if you were in his shoes, you'd probably watch your step, right? Because otherwise you might publicly embarrass yourself, right? You know, you wouldn't want to jeopardize the sea of sorority vaginas you would undoubtedly be floating in, or your potential future NFL career and the millions of dollars attached, right?

RIGHT? http://cbs.sportsline.com/collegefootball/story/8563229

"The officer asked Sexton several times to identify himself, and eventually he said he was God." Now, I'm not calling out this kid on his inability to hold his liquor or even his behavior, because we've all been there. I'd even be willing to let the God reference slide, since God has been known to throw back a few from time to time. (God's drink of choice is Patron tequila. If you don't believe me, ask all the Mexican peasants He's appeared to.) Still, Sexton's claim is pretty dubious, because God probably would have accumulated a better TD:INT ratio than 1:1. It is nice, though, to see that Sexton is outstripping His false prophet Chris Rix. Rix (a proud alumnus of Santa Margarita High's baseball program like myself) put together a 24-10 record at FSU, but he is still almost universally known among Nole fans as the Zeus of Suck.

Apparently last year everyone on campus was wearing "Rix Happens" T-shirts with a handicapped parking sign on the back and an injured football player silhoutte sitting in the chair, above the phrase "Ruining the FSU tradition since 2001." This seems a little hard on Chris, though, since if you look at the evidence all he's been doing is carrying on the Criminole legacy. Since 2000, FSU quarterbacks (QBs ALONE!) have accrued this stellar record:
- Dan Kendra was cited for detonating an explosive device outside his apartment complex. (This is, again, pretty hypocritical based on my own track record for stuff like that, so I can't really blame him. But keep reading.)
- Marcus Outzen was twice involved in late-night fights off-campus.
- Jared Jones was dismissed from the team after repeated "undisclosed violations of team rules."
- Adrian McPherson was dismissed from the team for check forgery and suspected gambling involvement.
- Rix was cited for twice parking in handicap parking zones, regained the starting QB role, was suspended from the Sugar Bowl for oversleeping and failing to take a final exam, and then skipped the makeup exam.

Keep in mind, all this happened in five years. And I didn't even MENTION Peter Warrick or Sebastian Janikowski. This is your team, Tallahassee. The garnet and gold fights on. Isn't it about time to back down just a little?

CONGRATULATIONS MALEC
It's not all bad news, though. Congratulations to Chris Malec, my former high school teammate and one of the hardest-working baseball players I ever played with, on beating testicular cancer and getting drafted by the Yankees: http://sports.espn.go.com/mlb/columns/story?columnist=crasnick_jerry&id=2084487